The answer is yes, even if you don’t talk.

Some people choose a Collaborative Divorce because they get along and can discuss difficult issues, such as finances and sharing parenting responsibilities without the conversation escalating to an argument.

For other people, by the time they make the difficult decision to end their marriage, feelings such as anger and hurt make it almost impossible to converse with each other.  A Collaborative Divorce is still possible.  The reason is that in a Collaborative Divorce, there is a process that enables communication.  The structure of a Collaborative Divorce is like a big box, with both parties inside of the box.  Within the big box, each party has their own box, which includes their attorney and coach.

The big box, which is a “Collaborative Divorce”, holds the smaller boxes.  The big box is designed to allow for the flow of communication inside the container – there are no impenetrable walls.  Each party’s small box provides individual support.  The individual support is key to the success of a Collaborative Divorce.

In a Collaborative Divorce, additional smaller boxes are added to the big box.  These boxes include other Collaborative professionals such as a neutral financial professional who gathers and reviews all the financial documents.  Another box could be a child specialist who offers guidance about the developmental stages of your children.  All boxes communicate with each other and share information.

In a Collaborative Divorce, parties often create structures that continue to support them beyond the Collaborative process.

By choosing a Collaborative Divorce, couples are choosing an option that provides structure to support them individually and together.  Even when they can’t talk to each other.

Kate Rockas is a family law attorney practicing in Marin County.  More information in her bio on the “Find A Professional” page.